Post by The Centurion on Apr 19, 2008 11:12:19 GMT -5
The shocking 101 rules of being Dan Terry
1. Staying at home is infinitly more awesome than anything else.
2. This also applies when not actually doing anything.
3. Claim you never have any spare time.
4. Spend any spare time you have doing something extremely time comsuming, then complain about not having any spare time.
5. No matter how much you accomplish in one day always claim you didnt get to do what you wanted to do.
6. Always treat food like a fashion trend, eat the same thing for 4 months straight then switch to something else.
7. Act as if the latest food has always been your favorite.
8. Refer to anything that happened more than 1 year ago as "the old days."
9. Complain constantly.
10.Try to pass yourself off as somebody who is content.
11.Every time you hang out with your friends you must buy something new.
12.Never attempt to be open minded about anybody else's music than your own.
13.If you are acting open minded try to make it as fake as possible and talk all the way through any songs that you are being forced to listen to.
14.Complain about people talking through your favorite songs.
15.Remember that you are always right about everything, no matter what, this is a constant.
16.Nothing that you are into sucks, if somebody thinks it sucks they are just that statistical person who always has to say something sucks to make themselves feel better.
17.Unless you think it sucks, then it just does.
18.Be great with people in real life but totally lock up when on the telephone.
19.Constantly complain about how America needs to conserve energy to save the environment.
20.Igore the fact that it would take all the electricity of a third world country to power all the electronics in your room.
21.Always complain that digital downloads should come with lyrics(this is not optional).
22.When in doubt something must suck so you should complain about it.
23.Claim any music released before 1986 is pure garbage.
24.You can also apply rule 23 to any music you just dont like or music that you have never heard but are pretty sure you wont like.
25.Always fidget.
26.Make sure to be doing something extremely annoying at all times like poking your girlfriend or constantly tapping your feet.
27.When you get really bored start your own double bass beat on somebody's back or stomach.
28.Rule 27 also applies to strangers.
29.Always play air guitar even though you have no idea how the riffs are supposed to be played.
30.Be obsessed with 101 rule lists.
31.Always act completely shocked when somebody mentions that they are not into the same things as you.
32.Totally judge somebody's peronality by what music they listen to(IE Mike likes doom so he's sombre, Buddy likes hardcore so he's always hyper, Patrick likes emo so he's always crying, Joe likes nu metal which is why he always wears shorts, Tyler likes grindcore which is why he always chops people up and eats them).
33.DOS is awesome
34.Windows XP is awesome
35.Linux is garbage(see rule 40)
36.Claim to be independent
37.Technical music is your friend.
38.Pride yourself on being extremely nostalgic
39.Use rule 38 as an excuse to buy junk from the flea market that probably doesnt work.
40.Anything you are too stupid to understand must just be garbage.
41.Claim to be able to fix anything.
42.Back up your claims with more claims.
43.Japanese RPG's are the best.
44.Claim to be good at video games.
45.You have only beat roughly 10% of your video game collection.
46.Keeping and making lists is awesome.
47.While writing a list of 101 rules about yourself go back and re read all of them up to this point and chuckle at how freaking clever you are.
48.Always come up with some crazy scheme right before going to bed and then wake up the next morning and have no desire to do anything.(see rule 1)
49.Drink coffee, lots of it.
50.Never eat breakfast and then complain that you havent eaten anything all day.
51.Pretend that work is something that only you have to do and that its not fair.
52.Never wear socks.
53.Never cut your hair.
54.Always act offended when somebody complains about your foot stench.
55.Mario Kart 64 is the worst video game ever, besides Shaq Fu.
56.Always wear shirts that are too big for you and always complain about how fat you look.
57.Prentend you dont care about fashion when secretly you do.
58.Listen to tons of emo and still claim that its 100% relevent even though you've had the same girlfriend for nearly 5 years.
59.Always do anything in your power at work to make people think you are a homosexual.(IE answering the phone in a nasally high voice, wearing pink polo shirts, never breaking eye contact with middle aged men).
60.Always pull up to work in the morning with the windows down with Scrolls of the Megilloth blasting at full volume.
61.If there are people looking at you strangely poke your head out the window and scream "come on people lets see some action!"
62.Make fun of kids at hardcore shows for being so materialistic.
63.Make the band stand there for 3 hours and have every member sign every page of every booklet of every album they have ever released, this also includeds demos, bootlegs and ripped myspace songs.
64.Drink sweet tea like its going out of style.
65.Claim to be southern even though you hate most southern music.
66.Always skip songs on your Ipod shuffle, no matter how awesome that song that is on right now is, out of the 4897 songs left on your IPod theres got to be at least one that can top it.
67.Always talk about how your writing a book or story, but you have never even started.
68.Still make fun of Creed even though nobody does anymore.
69.Laugh at your own jokes, that somehow makes them funnier.
70.Never proofread anything you tlype.
71.Bread is the greatest thing God ever made, ever.
72.Never put butter on bread, it ruins the taste.
73.Claim youve been listening to (insert any band name here) since back in the day.
74.Always try to show people you can be a true metal fan and a metalcore fan.
75.Customers scare you.
76.No matter how good of a job you are doing you always are afraid you will be fired.
77.Never under any circumstance keep a consistent journal. Act like nothing important enough to write down happened in that 4 year journal gap.
78.You listen to Glassjaw and love it every time.
79.You secretly have never washed your right hand since that day Crimson Moonlight let you carry their guitars at Cornerstone.
80.You secretly love Tears for Fears(no joke).
81.You delight in your ability to make Buddy laugh almost to the point of death.
82.Constantly pretend like your "in charge" of something.
83.You still consider terms like "bro, dude, guy, boss" as acceptable ways to address another human being.
84.Never act excited about anything.
85.Ignore the fact that you went to a particular music shop the day before, return today and spend 3 hours going thru their inventory to see if they have gotten anything new in.
86.It doesnt get much better that Wolfenstein 3-D and Wolf 3D add ons.
87.Spend hours trying to think of the most offensive things you could ever say or think.
88.At age 22 its never too late to start acting like a crotchety old man(IE My order wouldnt have been screwed up beyond repair had it not been for those medling kids).
89.Spend all day every day trying to figure out how to "piggy squeel".
90.Little do your metal head friends know that most of your favorite bands are actually indie bands( IE Fugazi, At the Drive In, Our Fathers Were Blind.)
91.Make it a point every day to claim that American Idol is ruining music.
92.Always rock back and forth in your chair or on the floor.
93.Never under any circumstances eat meat, unless its fish.
94.Hate the water with a passion and when people ask why always simply answer "Cthulhu"
95.Write BTBAM on everything you can get a pen on.
96.Tell everyone about how one day you are gonna get a tattoo.
97.Work at the most non metal places imaginable (banks, gift shops, buffets).
98.Anytime somebody challenges you to anything reply with any of these three replies
"I will eat you"
"I will kill you till you die from it"
"You die, you go to Hell and you die!"
99.Always act like you are 1000X smarter now than you were a year ago.
100. Dont be ashamed that the Transformers movie was what got you into the Transformers (and no not the 1986 one)
101.Always refer to anything you think is awesome as "death metal". Even if its food.
1. Staying at home is infinitly more awesome than anything else.
2. This also applies when not actually doing anything.
3. Claim you never have any spare time.
4. Spend any spare time you have doing something extremely time comsuming, then complain about not having any spare time.
5. No matter how much you accomplish in one day always claim you didnt get to do what you wanted to do.
6. Always treat food like a fashion trend, eat the same thing for 4 months straight then switch to something else.
7. Act as if the latest food has always been your favorite.
8. Refer to anything that happened more than 1 year ago as "the old days."
9. Complain constantly.
10.Try to pass yourself off as somebody who is content.
11.Every time you hang out with your friends you must buy something new.
12.Never attempt to be open minded about anybody else's music than your own.
13.If you are acting open minded try to make it as fake as possible and talk all the way through any songs that you are being forced to listen to.
14.Complain about people talking through your favorite songs.
15.Remember that you are always right about everything, no matter what, this is a constant.
16.Nothing that you are into sucks, if somebody thinks it sucks they are just that statistical person who always has to say something sucks to make themselves feel better.
17.Unless you think it sucks, then it just does.
18.Be great with people in real life but totally lock up when on the telephone.
19.Constantly complain about how America needs to conserve energy to save the environment.
20.Igore the fact that it would take all the electricity of a third world country to power all the electronics in your room.
21.Always complain that digital downloads should come with lyrics(this is not optional).
22.When in doubt something must suck so you should complain about it.
23.Claim any music released before 1986 is pure garbage.
24.You can also apply rule 23 to any music you just dont like or music that you have never heard but are pretty sure you wont like.
25.Always fidget.
26.Make sure to be doing something extremely annoying at all times like poking your girlfriend or constantly tapping your feet.
27.When you get really bored start your own double bass beat on somebody's back or stomach.
28.Rule 27 also applies to strangers.
29.Always play air guitar even though you have no idea how the riffs are supposed to be played.
30.Be obsessed with 101 rule lists.
31.Always act completely shocked when somebody mentions that they are not into the same things as you.
32.Totally judge somebody's peronality by what music they listen to(IE Mike likes doom so he's sombre, Buddy likes hardcore so he's always hyper, Patrick likes emo so he's always crying, Joe likes nu metal which is why he always wears shorts, Tyler likes grindcore which is why he always chops people up and eats them).
33.DOS is awesome
34.Windows XP is awesome
35.Linux is garbage(see rule 40)
36.Claim to be independent
37.Technical music is your friend.
38.Pride yourself on being extremely nostalgic
39.Use rule 38 as an excuse to buy junk from the flea market that probably doesnt work.
40.Anything you are too stupid to understand must just be garbage.
41.Claim to be able to fix anything.
42.Back up your claims with more claims.
43.Japanese RPG's are the best.
44.Claim to be good at video games.
45.You have only beat roughly 10% of your video game collection.
46.Keeping and making lists is awesome.
47.While writing a list of 101 rules about yourself go back and re read all of them up to this point and chuckle at how freaking clever you are.
48.Always come up with some crazy scheme right before going to bed and then wake up the next morning and have no desire to do anything.(see rule 1)
49.Drink coffee, lots of it.
50.Never eat breakfast and then complain that you havent eaten anything all day.
51.Pretend that work is something that only you have to do and that its not fair.
52.Never wear socks.
53.Never cut your hair.
54.Always act offended when somebody complains about your foot stench.
55.Mario Kart 64 is the worst video game ever, besides Shaq Fu.
56.Always wear shirts that are too big for you and always complain about how fat you look.
57.Prentend you dont care about fashion when secretly you do.
58.Listen to tons of emo and still claim that its 100% relevent even though you've had the same girlfriend for nearly 5 years.
59.Always do anything in your power at work to make people think you are a homosexual.(IE answering the phone in a nasally high voice, wearing pink polo shirts, never breaking eye contact with middle aged men).
60.Always pull up to work in the morning with the windows down with Scrolls of the Megilloth blasting at full volume.
61.If there are people looking at you strangely poke your head out the window and scream "come on people lets see some action!"
62.Make fun of kids at hardcore shows for being so materialistic.
63.Make the band stand there for 3 hours and have every member sign every page of every booklet of every album they have ever released, this also includeds demos, bootlegs and ripped myspace songs.
64.Drink sweet tea like its going out of style.
65.Claim to be southern even though you hate most southern music.
66.Always skip songs on your Ipod shuffle, no matter how awesome that song that is on right now is, out of the 4897 songs left on your IPod theres got to be at least one that can top it.
67.Always talk about how your writing a book or story, but you have never even started.
68.Still make fun of Creed even though nobody does anymore.
69.Laugh at your own jokes, that somehow makes them funnier.
70.Never proofread anything you tlype.
71.Bread is the greatest thing God ever made, ever.
72.Never put butter on bread, it ruins the taste.
73.Claim youve been listening to (insert any band name here) since back in the day.
74.Always try to show people you can be a true metal fan and a metalcore fan.
75.Customers scare you.
76.No matter how good of a job you are doing you always are afraid you will be fired.
77.Never under any circumstance keep a consistent journal. Act like nothing important enough to write down happened in that 4 year journal gap.
78.You listen to Glassjaw and love it every time.
79.You secretly have never washed your right hand since that day Crimson Moonlight let you carry their guitars at Cornerstone.
80.You secretly love Tears for Fears(no joke).
81.You delight in your ability to make Buddy laugh almost to the point of death.
82.Constantly pretend like your "in charge" of something.
83.You still consider terms like "bro, dude, guy, boss" as acceptable ways to address another human being.
84.Never act excited about anything.
85.Ignore the fact that you went to a particular music shop the day before, return today and spend 3 hours going thru their inventory to see if they have gotten anything new in.
86.It doesnt get much better that Wolfenstein 3-D and Wolf 3D add ons.
87.Spend hours trying to think of the most offensive things you could ever say or think.
88.At age 22 its never too late to start acting like a crotchety old man(IE My order wouldnt have been screwed up beyond repair had it not been for those medling kids).
89.Spend all day every day trying to figure out how to "piggy squeel".
90.Little do your metal head friends know that most of your favorite bands are actually indie bands( IE Fugazi, At the Drive In, Our Fathers Were Blind.)
91.Make it a point every day to claim that American Idol is ruining music.
92.Always rock back and forth in your chair or on the floor.
93.Never under any circumstances eat meat, unless its fish.
94.Hate the water with a passion and when people ask why always simply answer "Cthulhu"
95.Write BTBAM on everything you can get a pen on.
96.Tell everyone about how one day you are gonna get a tattoo.
97.Work at the most non metal places imaginable (banks, gift shops, buffets).
98.Anytime somebody challenges you to anything reply with any of these three replies
"I will eat you"
"I will kill you till you die from it"
"You die, you go to Hell and you die!"
99.Always act like you are 1000X smarter now than you were a year ago.
100. Dont be ashamed that the Transformers movie was what got you into the Transformers (and no not the 1986 one)
101.Always refer to anything you think is awesome as "death metal". Even if its food.