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Post by josh2o on Sept 7, 2008 20:39:16 GMT -5
I'd like to know what people think of my writing. I want blunt honesty. If you think they're worthless and need burned, I can take intense criticism.
Anyways, this is one of my favorites... Most of what I write dwells on the dark side of life, but it always ends in redemption/love/happiness/etc. This one is about how everyone is vulnerable physically and emotionally. It gets kind of cheesy towards the end.
"Nothing is indestructible. Barriers collapse, and towers fall. The best built foundations Face deterioration. A little faith goes a long way When it's not stretched out. The hope still lingers When one faces doubt.
Even the mightiest warriors cry. I know this; I've looked into your eyes. You are strong. You are brave. But when one feels alone, It's normal to be afraid.
One faces questions about this life, Is it worth this price? Why do I still fight? Can I last one more night? There are answers Beyond this life.
Don't be afraid, life is followed by death. None can escape it's grasp. Take the hand that's outstretched, It holds the key that you need If you are to be more than flesh.
One last question needs voiced. Have you made your choice?"
Any advice, tips, criticism... Anything is appreciated. ;D
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Post by ironguardian on Sept 7, 2008 21:20:50 GMT -5
Its not cheesy at all, and rhyming foundations with deteriorations was very cool. However, I did get a strong hardcore feel out of the rhythm... please tell me I'm mistaken
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Post by josh2o on Sept 7, 2008 23:26:15 GMT -5
I have a horrible sense of rhythm. If you can get any kind of rhythm from anything I write, I commend ya!
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