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Post by graveforsaken on Apr 30, 2008 2:41:47 GMT -5
I propose we develop a 101 rules of Jesus metal collectively.
Let's keep it clean and fun!
I'll kick off
Rule 1: Rockin' For The Rock has already been taken
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Sutekh
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Post by Sutekh on Apr 30, 2008 5:15:41 GMT -5
Rule 2: So have most band names that begin with "Holy". Don't even think about it.
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Post by exodus312 on May 7, 2008 1:19:21 GMT -5
Rule 3: As has anything beginning with Crimson.
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Post by metasaiah on May 7, 2008 4:14:42 GMT -5
Rule 4: Jesus is NOT my homeboy.
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Post by The Centurion on May 7, 2008 9:07:14 GMT -5
5. Life metal is for wusses, keep it Christian Death Metal
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Sutekh
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Post by Sutekh on May 7, 2008 16:35:03 GMT -5
Rule 6: Having the word 'cross' in your band name was a cool idea. In the 80s. No, really -don't even think about it.
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Sutekh
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Post by Sutekh on May 7, 2008 16:39:46 GMT -5
Rule 7: Black or unblack? Know where you stand -some people take these terms really seriously.
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Post by Todd on May 7, 2008 18:32:33 GMT -5
rule 8. when in doubt, avoid using the terms "core" and "emo" when writing reviews.
rule 9. ignore contradiction to rule 8 when extol, embodyment or living sacrifice are involved.
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Sutekh
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Post by Sutekh on May 8, 2008 4:54:26 GMT -5
Rule 10: If you are in a black (or unblack -see Rule 7) metal band, you must cite Horde as an influence.
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grief
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Post by grief on May 8, 2008 12:15:21 GMT -5
11: Even if you're a core band, one of your myspace tags must be Death metal
12: Never expect a Scrolls of the Megilloth II to be recorded
13: You always knew Living Sacrifice was just 'on hold'
14: Whatever the Australians say, Horde is Norwegian. Who else would use the term 'Hellig Usvart'.
15: Jayson Sherlock is not the man behind Horde, it's Anonymous, and the only other identity of this hero is Unpaganoth Necromonoculticiduth
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grief
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Post by grief on May 9, 2008 12:31:33 GMT -5
16 : Unless your name is Phil or Todd, you're not allowed to be in more than 2 bands.
17 : Jayson Sherlock is an exception to every rule in this list.
18 : Drumcomputers are a no go except when you're sympathy
19 : Noone can question the awesomeness of the vocals on NonExistent
20 : You have to own at least one Mortification album. Scrolls counts for 3
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Post by zooba on May 17, 2008 19:32:12 GMT -5
21: Though 'Rockin' For the Rock' has been done to death (see Rule 1), using 'Jesus Metal Action' remains perfectly acceptable.
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Post by bleachedsorrow on May 17, 2008 19:38:43 GMT -5
22. Merely being on Solid State records does not equate you being Jesus Metal
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Post by zooba on May 21, 2008 6:05:40 GMT -5
24. When all your friends come to visit, before they arrive you must hide all your Norma Jean and Demon Hunter CDs, and remember during the course of the evening to make at least one comment about how those bands 'suck' and are 'posers'.
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Post by bleachedsorrow on May 21, 2008 12:54:07 GMT -5
23. You must receive at least 1 death threat per member in the band. 25. Some secular reviewer has to question your sanity/intellectuality for obviously you are deranged for believing the Truth.
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Post by The Centurion on May 21, 2008 12:55:38 GMT -5
26. Always no matter what tell people that your newest album is not selling out, you are just trying to reach a larger audience.
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Post by ironguardian on May 21, 2008 13:12:04 GMT -5
27. Unless you include naughty 4 letter words in your band name, album names, song titles, song lyrics and gig names, you'll never get any secular cred. I'm dealing with that one at the moment with "Rowlandfest"... I've been talking with some of the guys from the local scene, just making friends and becoming a little involved, and the general concensus is that I MUST name the gig on the 19th of July c***fest, or at least something with the word c**t in it somewhere... Perth is classy On the plus side, a lot of people have participated in the discussions about the name of the gig, so no matter what I call it, its still going to be fairly well publicised. The funny thing is, that most of them know I'm Christian, but still expect me to use that language. I must admit that I have typed a few naughty words over there, but they also know I'm not going to actually say the word. I think thats partly why a lot of them are having so much fun with coming up with colourful name suggestions
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Post by Todd on May 21, 2008 13:23:59 GMT -5
28. if you have never received hate mail....you're not unblack, seriously....you just aren't.
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grief
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Post by grief on May 22, 2008 13:55:42 GMT -5
I would call it c**tfest It's not like a c**t is something satanic xD haha. Would be a rather hilarious name hahaha
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mordecaix7
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Post by mordecaix7 on May 22, 2008 14:06:56 GMT -5
29. It doesn't matter if you can't actually "play" your instruments. It's music for the Lord right?
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